21 Reasons why...
Bridge is better than Sex!

1. You don't have to hide your bridge magazines
2. It is perfectly acceptable to hire a pro to play bridge with you once in a while
3. The Ten Commandments don't say anything about bridge
4. If your partner takes pictures of you at the table, you don't have to worry about them showing up in the tabloids when you become famous
5. Your partner doesn't become upset about people you played bridge with long ago
6. It is perfectly acceptable to play bridge with a total stranger
7. When you see a really good bridge player, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you at the table together
8. When your regular partner is not available, he/she will not mind if you play bridge with someone else
9. No one will ever tell you that you will go blind if you play bridge by yourself
10. When dealing with a bridge pro, you never have to worry that they are an undercover cop
11. You can have a bridge calendar on your wall at the office, tell bridge jokes and invite co-workers to play bridge without being sued for harassment
12. There are no bridge-transmitted diseases (except the compulsion to play more bridge)
13. You don't have to lock the door when you play bridge on the Internet, and when you visit a bridge website you won't get emails from asianteenagesluts.com for the rest of your life
14. Nobody expects you to play bridge with the same partner for the rest of your life
15. Nobody expects you to give up bridge if your partner loses interest in it
16. You can still do it in your 80`s, and people won't gasp in horror if they find out
17. Your bridge partner will never say, " Not again, we just played bridge last week! Is Bridge all you ever think about?" Oops! - maybe they will
18. A man doesn't need lots of finesse(s) to be successful at bridge, but then he needs some squeezes
19. The phrase "could be short" carries no negative connotation....
20. The principle of "Fast Arrival" would not be regarded negatively
21. If the partnership agrees on two over one, it wouldn't be considered an orgy

What time?

Misplaced

A fellow had made a bad bid and gone for -1400.

“I'm sorry,” he said to his partner, “I had a card misplaced.”

Asked his partner innocently, “Only one card?”

What's in his hand?

The hostess of a bride got a last minute call from one of the players that she was sick. Unable to get a replacement on such short notice, she drafted her husband, a mediocre player with an attitude.

During the game, he got up and went to the bathroom, leaving the door slightly ajar. Everyone listened as he urinated into the toilet.

Embarrassed, his wife called out, “John, would you please close the door!”

John's partner said, “Never mind, it's the first time since we started playing that I've known what the man has in his hand!”

A Matter of Priority

A man has a severe heart attack and is rushed to the hospital emergency room. The admitting nurse says, “I’m sorry, you’ll have to wait in line.”

“But I might be dying!” says the man.

“Sorry, a doctor will see you when one is available.”

Then an ambulance races up with its siren blaring, and a woman is carried in on a stretcher. A paramedic explains, “She was in a terrible accident and has just stopped breathing.”

“I’m sorry,” says the nurse, “she’ll have to wait in line.”

Next a guy walks in without assistance, whispers something to the nurse and is taken immediately to the examination room, surrounded by doctors.

“What’s this?” says the first man. “How come he goes right in?”

“Oh,” explains the nurse, “he’s a bridge player and his partner just passed him in a cue-bid.”